


In Control

by koalathebear



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-16
Updated: 2013-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-29 11:15:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/686336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koalathebear/pseuds/koalathebear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Exploration of what might have gone through Apollo's head after the new Sharon appeared and what he might have done about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Control

Inspired by this moment in "Home Part 2".

> _"I need you to know something. I'm Sharon but I'm a different Sharon. I know who I am. I don't have hidden protocols or programming lying in wait to be activated. I make my own choices, I make my own decisions and I need you to know that that this is my choice._

Apollo's nerves were fraying. They were almost at breaking point. What was causing the tension was unclear. All he knew was that there was a slow building anger, fury and frustration building inside him. It throbbed in his temples, it thrummed through his body and it made him as taut and tense as a twig about to snap. The ceremony on the Galactica once they had returned from Kobol had been ... interesting. He had stood there applauding President Roslin whole-heartedly but as the crowd had dispersed, his thoughts were far away again.

He now understood why Kara had tried to stop him from shooting Valerii when she had returned from Caprica. To have your life saved created a feeling of obligation, regardless of whether you knew you were being manipulated. He had been against the President following Valerii's directions to the Tomb of Athena but as was always the case with the President, she was immovable once she had made up her mind. Stubborn, ruthless and determined, the President always did exactly what she wanted regardless of the cost. A broken promise, a carrier full of civilians, wanting to leave Kara behind when Adama and Apollo had wanted to continue searching for her..... Although her health was deteriorating rapidly and Apollo could see how frail she had become both physically and emotionally, she had insisted on being part of the Kobol team. He had always admired her strong will.

A muscle moved in Apollo's jaw. He didn't like the fact that he could still see the way Sharon's pupils had constricted in fear when he had seized her, hurling her violently against the wall, his gun to her head, fury and murderous intent in his blazing eyes. How could a machine feel fear? How could a machine's pupils constrict in reaction, breathing quicken in panic and pulse race in terror? How indeed and yet he had felt all of that and more. He had seen naked and raw fear in Valerii's eyes.

He had been stopped but knew that he wouldn't have felt an ounce of regret if he had blown her away. If he had seen her blood spill the way she had spilled his father's blood, he would have considered himself avenged. Nothing. Nothing could _ever_ compensate for the grief and horror he had felt as he had watched his father being shot before his eyes. Nothing would ever remove the tortured uncertainty he had felt as Adama had remained between life and death. It had been a terrifying thought to realise that he would be the last remaining Adama in the universe. Valerii and Helo could scream until they were both blue in the face that this Sharon was not the same Sharon but as far as Apollo was concerned, the Cylons were all the same. Cold-blooded, merciless ruthless killing machines that did exactly what they wanted regardless of the cost. 

That being the case, it still irked him to no end that she had saved his life. When he saw her running away on Kobol, he could have sworn that she was trying to escape. When she had picked up the gun, he could have sworn that she was going to turn on them like the monster that she was. 

He had been infuriated and extremely disconcerted when after one fierce glare at him she had flung him off and calmly blown away the Cylon standing on the cliff above them. "You've got to be frakking kidding me," he had muttered incredulously, torn between disbelief and irritation at her actions. There had been a touch of chagrin in his voice as well at the ease with which she had tossed him off. Surely she hadn't been so simplistic as to think that he could be won over so easily by such a blatant attempt to demonstrate loyalty? So she had blown away one of her own, since when were Cylons known for loyalty and honour? He for one wasn't so easily manipulated.

Nonetheless, the 'debt' was still an irritation which nagged at the edges of his consciousness when he allowed himself to linger on it. His reconciliation with Adama had also been tainted by the sight of Adama trying to choke the life out of Valerii. Why the frak wasn't she fighting back, Apollo had demanded of himself as he had held up his gun to stop the others from approaching while Adama was pinning her to the ground and strangling her. He had heard her gasps and watched in disbelief as she lay there and simply stared into Adama's face. Didn't the Toasters have some kind of built-in self-defence mechanism? What was she waiting for? Was it another part of the act?

He thought harder about the "other Sharon". What did he remember about her? Hard-working, conscientious .... almost mouse-like given that she rarely spoken to him. She had been friends with Kara, frakking Tyrol on the side but her interactions with Apollo had been limited and she had always been deferential, verging on shy when she was around him. Kara had said it was a bit of hero worship. "You were a bit of a demi-God at flight school, Sharon's heard all the stories - be nice to her. Besides, she's a Raptor pilot ... didn't have the chops to fly a Viper .... never had the killer instinct you need to be a warrior."

Apollo had been nice to her, friendly even but he hadn't paid much attention to the unexceptionable young lieutenant who had always looked as neat as a pin. When he had heard that she had tried to shoot herself, he had been shocked but not being one of her friends, he hadn't any idea as to her reasons. He had merely averted his gaze from the raw and angry marks on her face and the bloodstained bandage on her cheek which gave her already vulnerable face a more helpless appearance.

She could be a completely different woman now, he mused. Well, she _was_ a completely different woman, given that the Sharon they knew on Galactica had been killed by one of Tyrol's offsiders .... assuming that you could really "kill" one of them. Could a machine that had never lived in the first place live or die? Highly unlikely all things considered.

When they had arrived on Kobol and he had jibed at her, she had been completely uncowed. "You were quick enough to come on this mission, lead us all to some tomb only mentioned in our false scriptures," he had said cuttingly.

"We know more about your religion than you do," she told him firmly, her gaze not moving from hers. He had turned to look at her in a hostile fashion. The old Sharon might have looked down, looked away or fallen into an uncomfortable silence. This Sharon merely met his gaze unflinchingly, her face cold and expressionless. The way she met his eyes and spoke, it was as if she was his damned equal and had just as much right to speak and exist as he did. 

As she continued to explain about Athena's Tomb, he had walked away in contempt, making it clear that what she had to say was of little interest to him and he wasn't going to do her the respect of sticking around to listen to her. To his irritation, she had continued addressing her words to the others - almost as if he hadn't even been there.

That night, he had watched as Helo had opened a chocolate bar for her and shared it with her as the two lay very close to each other under their shelter.

"It gives me the creeps, seeing him act like that with her," he had commented to Kara.

"He loves her, and yeah he knows she's a machine," Kara had said soberly. "He doesn't care, he loves her anyway."

"Frak. How can one of us get that roped in by one of them? You know, we should keep an eye on him too."

Kara had retorted immediately, loyal as always. "Helo's a friend of mine all right? He's one of the good guys."

"Yeah? Well Sharon was a friend of yours, too," he had said cuttingly, regretting it almost as soon as he had said it. Kara had turned silent, their camerarderie temporarily shattered as his words had hurt her. Lee had been mad at himself for lashing out yet again. Things had been going well. He'd meant it when he'd told her that he loved her. Kara was one of his oldest and dearest friends...... one of the few remaining links he still had back to Zak, to the boy he had once been and to the life he had known back on Caprica. 

When she had slept with Baltar, he had almost ruined things between them, lashing out at her when he was angry but when she had returned from Caprica, not only alive but triumphant with the Arrow, he had decided that the Gods were giving him a second chance, that he hadn't destroyed the friendship after all. The knowledge that she was still alive had hit him like a fist in the gut and the joy he had felt had been almost overwhelming.

The friendly, welcoming kiss on the lips while not returned, had not been spurned and when he'd said he loved her, it was the old Kara again, teasing and taunting him over a statement which meant everything but also meant nothing. Yet again, Valerii's presence had poisoned a moment of joy for Apollo. His reunion with Kara. His reunion with his father.

Then again, Kara was supposed to be _his_ friend yet had prevented him yet again from shooting Valerii when he had gone to the cell on the Astral Queen. Didn't she know the meaning of loyalty? How could she have sided with ... the enemy over her friend. Didn't she know what the Cylons were like? He couldn't believe that she could allow herself to be played like that. 

To be honest, his original intention at the time had been to talk to Valerii, to get answers but the sight of those huge dark eyes that looked so deceptively innocent and vulnerable had caused a hot fury to rise in his veins and he had drawn his gun before he had known what he was doing.

Maybe that's why he had been so cruel to Kara .... poison pills about her friend Helo ... jibes about her 'friend' Sharon. What about her friend Apollo? How could someone who was his friend also befriend a Cylon Sympathiser? How could a friend of his have also befriended a Cylon - albeit unwittingly. More to the point, how could she even defend a Cylon, albeit half-heartedly? He knew where his loyalties were even if others didn't. He could control his emotions even if others couldn't.

Apollo suppressed the anger he felt against himself. Explain it away as he might, for some reason that night despite the fact that he said it gave him the "creeps", he hadn't been able to take his eyes of the couple across from them .... More specificically, he hadn't been able to take his eyes off _her_. 

That thing. What was it? First the Chief, now Helo. Was she working her way up the food chain?

He had watched every smile that crossed her mouth, every parting of her lips and every gesture of her hands. He had heard her laugh, seen a look of reminiscence and humour in her eyes, all the time marvelling at the programming and design that could have created such a complex creature that looked so real. Was it now possible not only to emulate human form and human action - could the Cylons also emulate human emotions and _cause_ corresponding emotions in response?

There had been an unreadable expression in his eyes as he had watched her and a feeling of growing suspicion and unease as he had watched her. She might have known he was watching. At one point, her gaze had lifted and met his squarely, again with an unparallelled arrogance as she looked him in the eye challengingly. Did she not realise the difference between them? That he was human and she was just a pale shadow of humanity craving and clutching at an existence it did not have or deserve?

He hadn't been fooled by her actions outside the tomb. Meier's gun at his own head had angered him less than the gun he saw pointing at his father's head. When Valerii had turned and shot Meier, Apollo would have turned his own gun on her but for his father's gesture that he not shoot. 

_....different..... different Sharon .... Choices.... decisions .... choice....._

A serpent with a honeyed and forked tongue. A beautiful, desirable and alluring serpent with her unfathomable dark eyes and deceptively helpless appearance. She was far from helpless, though. He knew for himself that she was strong. Her endurance was terrifying - out of the entire group she had not faltered during their Kobol journey. He had felt the strength in her when she had thrown him off her before firing behind him. It was probably her eyes, the softness of her face that made her look helpless. There was nothing helpless in her attitude though. Defiant and proud even dressed in the red prisoner's jumpsuit she had not been cowed or afraid. There was something unsettling in that.

"Go for a drink, Captain?" the others asked him as the assembly began to disperse. Everyone looked solemn which was usually what happened when they were in their dress uniform. The heavy fabric, the sombreness of the uniform made it seem as though all conduct should be serious and befitting the costume.

"Nah," he demurred. "I'm beat. I'll catch you all tomorrow," he said briefly, watching as they all walked away together. Kara turned her head and stared at him quizzically as she walked away. 

"Does this mean you don't _love_ me anymore?" she asked him plaintively, an outrageously playful expression curving her full mouth.

"Oh for frak's sake," he muttered, although noting not for the first time how pretty she was looking these days, with her hair drawn back.... softer. Still, was she _ever_ going to let him live that moment down? He'd never had a sister, but if he'd had a sister, he had no doubt that she would be as damned annoying as Kara Thrace. 

He scowled. Frak that. There was absolutely nothing fraternal about the way he felt about Kara Thrace. He knew it, she knew it, but Gods - let the denial go on. And on.

He saw Helo walked out of the hall purposefully. No surprises about where he was headed, Apollo thought with a cynical twist of his mouth. As he followed a short distance behind, he had a slightly bad taste in his mouth at the thought of what he was going to do.

They had put Valerii in the detention cell / observation lab that had been constructed for the "other" Sharon. Bars, shatterproof glass, observation windows ..... it reminded Apollo of a maximum security prison crossed with a somewhat barbaric zoo. He stood and watched as Helo approached the window. The two were speaking quietly, faces serious, leaning towards the glass, fingertips pressed up against the glass. Very romantic and touching. Apollo noticed with a frown that a short distance away, Baltar was watching them, unobserved - the man appeared to be talking to himself. Apollo wasn't sure if constant self-babbling was a worthy price to pay for genius. He turned his attention back to the couple who were still talking.

Valerii wasn't pleading. In fact it looked for all the world as if she was doing the comforting. Helo looked very unhappy. When he finally left, Apollo was shocked to find that he had been standing there watching for over an hour. Baltar also left, still babbling to himself and although he called himself all kinds of fool, Apollo found himself approaching the cell.

Unlike Helo, he had clearance to go inside the cell. "Let me in and wait outside," he instructed the guard who looked very apprehensive.

"I have my sidearm," Apollo told him. "I'll take responsibility." 

Sharon had been standing leaning with her forehead against the glass, not moving from the position she had been in when Helo had left, her finger tips still pressed against the glass and her eyes had been closed, her lips pressed tightly together as if she was trying not to make a sound.

When she saw him approaching, she turned her head away and made no move to pick up the handset. She pretended she hadn't seen him. The guard unlocked the door and Apollo walked in. "I'll buzz when I'm ready to leave." He told the guard who left.

"Zoo's visiting hours are over, captain. That being said, did you bring any peanuts for the monkey, sir?" Sharon asked him, without looking at him.

"I wouldn't have classified you as a monkey. Something more deadly perhaps. Panther? Lioness?" 

"That's nice of you, captain. I was so afraid you were going to pick an awful animal .. something less attractive like ... a hippo? Apparently hippos are responsible for more deaths in the wild than lions, tigers or crocodiles."

"Do all Cylons come with the encyclopaedia software installed, or is it just the home editions?" Apollo asked with a humourless smile. 

"Careful captain, according to my knowledge of trivia .. that's database to you - hippos have killed more people than lions have ..... they're extremely aggressive, unpredictable and ..... unafraid of humans". Her face was stony.

"Since you seem determined to continue with your hippo analogy, I'll remind you that no matter how formidable the hippo is - it's still no match for a firearm."

"How very human of you," she said sarcastically. "Come to finish the job?" she asked him. "No one here to stop you this time." Her gaze raked over him. "You didn't have to get dressed up just to visit me, or is this an official visit - before you put me out the airlock."

"I don't remember the other Sharon being this much of a smartass." He commented.

"Based on what I remember .... there's probably not a lot you remember about the other Sharon."

She leaned against the wall, arms crossed defensively around herself. "What is you want, captain? I'm busy, things to do, places to be."

"Funny," he said with his short, unamused laugh. "I want you to tell me what the deal is. What is you want? Why the song and dance about saving our lives, proving yourself? You expect me to believe that the love of a human has tamed the savage beast?"

She looked incredulous. "Send Starbuck in, she's a hell of a lot better at interrogation than you are. I don't have to explain anything to you."

"Well that's just it," Apollo said with a thread of anger in his voice. "Not only have you got Helo whipped ... a little puppy dog on your leash, you're getting under Starbuck's skin. It bothers me when she starts thinking that Helo can love something like you, _believing_ that you can love and be loved .... and when she starts feeling that she owes you for saving her life."

"Neither of you owe me anything. I saved your sorry ass for Helo's sake not for yours. You don't owe me a frakking thing."

"And Starbuck? That for Helo, too? She owe you nothing?"

"She owes me nothing because ... " Sharon glared at him. "She's a friend. I like her. I remember .... that I liked ... that I _like_ Kara." She bit out, her eyes dark and slightly defensive as if she fully expected him not to believe her.

He laughed incredulously. "This is touching," he said sarcastically. "I feel like I should open this cage now and just let you out I'm so moved by your words."

"Actually it would be enough if you just opened the door, let yourself out and left me here in peace." she told him and flinched when he seized her by the arm and pulled her against him.

"Peace. There's a novel thought. I haven't had a moment's _peace_ since you 'returned'. I suspect there's only way to exorcise this particular demon." His eyes moved over her face searchingly, his mouth tight with anger and frustration.

"I don't care about your peace of mind, it has nothing to do with me. I just want ...." Her words were cut off abruptly as his mouth came down roughly and angrily on hers, his hands pulling her against him. They were both very good at it. The kiss was technically proficient on both sides, soft when it needed to be soft, hard when it needed to be hard. Her mouth was pliant and yielding beneath his. She tasted human, she tasted _alive_ ....... When he finally drew back, he stared down at her sharply.

Her own eyes were dark and enigmatic but she said nothing, arms still by her side as she stood glaring at him. Her mouth was damp and swollen, lips parted and he could still taste her. She had not kissed him back - there had not been _any_ response from her..... What game was she playing, he wondered furiously, his eyes searching her face for a sign ... a sign of anything. If Cylons could feel love, fear and pain, then perhaps they could feel greed and ambition. Where was the seduction, the use of her sexuality for advancement? 

"Satisfied? I hope you don't mind if I don't count that as my last request before being put out the airlock," she told him.

"Interesting that you don't have a greater sense of self-preservation, Sharon,", he said trailing a fingertip down the side of her cheek. She didn't move and he was discomfited by how easily this act came to him. They accused the Cylons of lies and deceit and at the same time the Cylons appeared to be moving closer to humanity, the horrifying reality was that humans were coming to reflect the monsters they fought. He knew that Kara was already feeling discomfort at some of the president's words and actions. At what cost would victory be seized - if ever?

"Not interested in a CAG, Sharon? Prefer your lowly, discredited ECO? I won't insult you by pretending I love you, but .... the packaging is .... pleasing. I could look after you. Your life could be ..... easier...." The bait was dangled out for her, plausible and insulting enough for her to perhaps accept it at face value - a mutual satisfaction of lust and desire. Mutual gain. She might believe that despite his hatred, he wouldn't mind screwing her attractive body.

He waited. The other tests of loyalty had been of her devising and within her control, this was different. He could be just as manipulative and the taste of promised power should still have lingered on her tongue, tempting her. 

At the same time, he added yet another unforgivable act to a growing list of unforgivable acts that he had committed since the war commenced. Was there an out for him because it was wartime, because people were forced into circumstances beyond their control, that he was following orders, that he was acting in the interests of humanity, that nothing counted when the it was against the other side, that nothing counted when the other side wasn't even human? Deep down Apollo didn't care, because when this was all over, even if everything was rationalised and explained and he was forgiven and decorated - there were certain things that the boy his mother had raised to be - a decent, honourable young man would never forgive himself. _Could_ never forgive himself.

Sharon walked from him, pressed the button and spoke into the handset. "Captain Adama is ready to leave now."

She turned and stared at him and he stared back at her. He couldn't take his damned eyes off her, truth be told. It was disturbing that when he looked into the eyes of the monster, those eyes were so uncannily human and like his own. Could her protestations of love have been true after all? His face was as expressionless as hers, but behind his steady gaze his thoughts were reeling. His image and notion of the enemy was shifting rapidly and swirling uncontrollably in his head as he attempted to reconcile this current data with what he had thought ... what he had _known_ to be true about the Cylons.

> _"I know who I am. I don't have hidden protocols or programming lying in wait to be activated. I make my own choices, I make my own decisions and I need you to know that that this is my choice._

Was she choosing the lowly ECO over him? Or ..... did she know _exactly_ what he was trying to do? The door closed, locking her back inside the cell and Apollo stared at her for one long moment before leaving. He was shaken. He had underestimated the enemy. Who the frak knew who was in control after all.

***

"I was wondering why you told me to come back here," Baltar said as he stood watching from the observation window. Six trailed her red tipped fingertips down Baltar's neck as she nibbled on his ear. 

"Interesting."

* * *


End file.
